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What forms peoples sexual preferences, such as S&M, domination, submission, "rough sex" v "vanilla sex" etc? I mean everyone will have their own preferences but why, what makes one person enjoy say soft kissing and gentle intercourse and someone else likes so-called rough sex?
I mean I have heard that homosexuals and lesbians are biologically disposed to being so, whether that is true or not I have no idea - but that's what I've heard. Is it then the same when it comes to folks who are say sexual sadists or sexual masochists?
Is it psychological or is it biological?
Thanks. | I think that it's definitely psychological. If you are a timid person, you are probably more prone to perfering submission, if you are an assertive/agressive person at nature, you would probably be more likely to dominate, etc.
The way your life is lived and the way your experiences play out, shapes who you are in the present. If you have had a life of being nurtured and comforted (by your parents, etc), then you are probably going to find pleasure in gentle sex (I'm assuming that's what you mean by vanilla...? I've never heard someone say "vanilla sex" before...).
It's sort of a nature vs nurture type of thing, in which this case nuture shapes who you are presently, and that determines your personal preferences.
It can also vary from mood to mood. I know that I don't always prefer the same type of sexual treatment EVERY time. Although I do tend to lean towards one way of treatment, it varies depending on what I feel like. I tend to prefer the rough way of things (sometimes even moderate pain such as biting, etc). I grew up not being very well cared for... my mom was a typical "refrigerator mom", meaning she was cold and reserved, showing little affection. My dad was actually abusive, and when he wasn't being abusive he was quite reclusive (no rhyming intended!!). So needless to say, I didn't get much "nurture" growing up. And now look at me... I prefer rough housing and moderate pain. Definite correlation right there........ | How would you react if your son was perusing porn? And not the soft-focus semi-acceptable playboy stuff.
As in amateur submissions, multiple lesbian co-bed-inhabitants and all the rest of it.
What would be the most appropriate action to take?
This boy is aged 13- my friend's son (my 11 yr old thankfully is under the wife's constant glaring gaze). | The first thing is that if his parents try to stop him, he will just go 'underground' with this and resent them into the bargain.
The big problem is that he needs to be able to differentiate between the girls in the pictures/movies who are pretending to be enjoying themselves and real women.
They need to explain to him that these are 'fantasies' and in real life, women don't all get naked as soon as a hunky guy or sexy girl winks at them. At 13 there is a chance that he could begin to form the impression that this is how all women behave, so they need to point out to him that the women in these pictures get paid a lot of money to pose like this. It not just women who are not models either. The models themselves are very unlikely to be spending all their non-working time holding sexy poses, blowing kisses at everyone and stroking themselves erotically.
Both I and other friends have been pestered by guys who think that - because we're gay - we're into threesomes with guys, or that we want them to watch us having sex. These theories almost always come from them looking at porn and getting some pre-conceived ideas about women.
This boy needs to understand that the women in the porn pictures are not an accurate representation of women. He needs to start hearing this now and he needs to accept this.
There are a few other things he needs to try and understand though.
One of the great wonders of love and sex is exploring a partner's body for the first time. By repeatedly viewing porn several things are happening.
He's desensitising himself from the beauty of the naked form and he's watching the exploration of people's bodies as an outsider - something he should be doing himself in a few years time. His expectations of a woman are going to either be very high or he's going to find there is little arousal in the naked form because he's seen it all before.
His preconceptions of what a couple does when making love is going to be different from other people of his own age group. In fact, his preconceptions of the whole process of falling in love, going from cuddles to kisses and spending time moving up to the point where both feel ready to advance to sexual intimacy is something he either won't understand, or the length of time it takes to get there may prove frustrating for him.
I don't believe that watching porn turns all guys into rapists, but my experience is that most guys who frequently view porn are not particularly good lovers and they are very demanding about trying to get you to have sex with them. They never seem to make for very faithful lovers either.
At best, he might develop 'techniques' that will appeal to some women. At worst, his expectations and forcefulness could lead to him being accused of inappropriate behaviour towards women.
There is one other consideration to make that must be addressed. By law, a person should be 18 or older to view pornography. It can be difficult for parents to know what to do about this, but the fact remains that if he's caught using pornography, the boy's parents could be held responsible - especially if they know he's doing this.
The boy's parents should perhaps consider talking to their family doctor about this. His curiosity is quite normal in a boy just coming into puberty, but it's how it affects his future life that is important here. At 13 he can't understand some of the consequences of what's he's doing right now and it's a tricky area for a parent. Do nothing and they're culpable if his behaviour with women becomes inappropriate - become too heavy handed and they end with a situation where their son becomes angry and then secretive about his interest in watching sex. Doctors do understand about these things and they may suggest that the boy talk to a counselor who can help very discretely and in total confidence. | Lesbian doubting herself.? I'm currently 22 and have been out as a lesbian for a while now. Due to my shyness I have had one relationship with a woman and none with a man. The one with a woman ended when she realized SHE was straight.
Recently I've been messing around with a male friend of mine. We don't have sex, it's more of a dominance/submission role-play thing though we've both "enjoyed ourselves" quite a few times during (keeping it pg-13, unsure of the communities limits). I have no doubt that I am attracted to women, but I find myself to be enjoying my time with him a lot. I'm starting to wonder whether or not I'm bi.
I've never had a crush on a boy once I hit puberty but find myself keep coming back to this situation and wondering what it would be like if we did go all the way. I have no doubt that I am attracted to women and this guy knows full well that I'm doubting myself. It's something of a friends with benefits relationship and the last thing either of us wants is to hurt the other, and I do know he wants to keep things platonic, but doesn't seem adverse to the idea of trying it. | | up to you but no harm in trying :-) | LGBT: I have a friend who was lesbian but recently has become very religious? She now has a boyfriend who she wishes to marry and believed that their union is "ordained by god". Keep in mind, this has changed within the last few months. Before she was full fledge lesbian. She said that i will become straight but it won't happen "overnight" and that eventually i will find a woman of my dreams. She went on and on about how the first time she gave in to her feelings for girls it was an "awful feeling of submission". She says she still accepts me for who i am but now i feel like i will have to hold back on telling her about my feelings about guys. How do i deal with this? Especially if she furthers getting into religion more and tries to convince me the way i am living is wrong even though this was once her lifestyle. | Once one comes out of the closet, there is no turning-back.
Perhaps, she is doing so because she feels lonely and wants to have something more certain than a life of one-night-stand partner, or she really found what she is after tasting other waters. Who knows?
However, as a friend, you need to know that she is who she is and means to you. Keep the friendship, but set the boundaries to keep the friendship going.
I went through the same situation once. We are still friends and don't intefere in each one's life as the other might want. | Gay Guys only (Part 2): What's the "Mind-Space" of "Dominance/Submission"? Why/how is it a turn-on? Thick fingered Yahoo censors cut this thread short when I put it out yesterday. I've got one really good answer--but I think there's a lot more to be said. Heterosexuals have their own, rather nauseating version of dominance/submission. And so may lesbians, for all I know or care. I only want to know what it means to gay men. Specifically: What's sexual about it? And how exactly does it get to be sexual? | OK, sure. Dominance and submission are well understood by gay men, at least this gay man...lol. I'm dominant, meaning aggressive. I go after what I want, and I take it (in all situations, not just sexual ones). Heterosexuals don't realize that this is dominant behavior. I'm also dominant in sexual situations, meaning that I control what happens. The other person(s) doesn't always realize that they are in a submissive role. When you are dealing with other men, you have to stroke their egos somewhat. They really don't need to know that they are being submissive...lol again. I cannot get as graphic as I'd like to be in this forum. For example, my b/f of 3 years is submissive, but don't tell him that! He would not agree, nor would he really understand.
When you mention heteros thoughts on D/S, I assume you are talking about bondage/discipline, master/slave kinda thing? If so, you are right, it's rather nauseating... It has to do with your personality and how you use that personality in all situations, not just sexual. It is a turn-on for me to get people to do what I want them to do, so that is part of it. I hope this helps, I'll be happy to fill in any blanks if you contact me via email thru the site. Excellent question, but I'll bet most people will not understand my answer...
Auntie Kookoo | I'm a Christian, seriously confused sexually. Could I be Lesbian or Bi? :(? DIscarding my desires and temptations.. I think Homosexuality is wrong. I'm sorry. Don't be offended please. I'm a Christian and that's just what I believe.
So here is what's going on with me:
1. I get the most turned on with girl on girl action
2. I have been touchy with my boyfriend and I enjoy every second of it. I find guys more physically appealing. Way hotter.
3. I get more turned on imagining that i'm with a girl
4. I want to much to just make out and touch a girl intimately just to try it, but religiously.. I can't. Plus I don't know any lesbians or bis. I got to a Christian school
5. I could see myself dating a girl, but when it comes to living the rest of my life with someone, I want a man.
6. I like submission and being vulnerable to a guy, but want to have my way with a girl
this is confusing. incredibly confusing.. and i can't believe i'm going to yahoo for answers.. but from your point of view... what should i do | | I completely understand where you coming from because I feel the same way. I am a Christian also and I am very turned on to girls and have been that way since i was about 18. I have never been with a girl before and I am 26 now. I know its hard to go against your believe and go with your feelings, but to be honest it is very normal for you to be having these feelings. I have accepted that i am very bi curious as many people would call it. You are not a homo-sexual because you feel this way. So don't worry about that. I know at this present time I am hoping to find a female to share my curiosity with. I know it may be a little confusing but its ok just allow your feeling to intimate and get over it.. Good Luck | What do men think of when they are in love? I know how you look to others but what do you think of when you are in love? Is it something continuous or it's like more in love in the morning and less in the evening? Like you want to have sex to show your feelings? Do you only think of dirty things or you also want to be protective?
Also why are you addicted to:
1)entreaty look -in women-while having sex
2)naked women close to water
3)submission
4)lesbian
p.s. I'm just trying to know you better
thanks | Love is continuous of course! It does not fluctuate according to the time of the day.
But when I fell in love with my ex gf, I tended to be more romantic in the evening. Coz I was more relaxed and I talked to her on the phone and said all the sweet things that made her melt <3
When I was in love, all I could think of was how great a girl my gf was. Even the little things she did was so cute.
At a point, I even started imagining how it would be like to spend my life with her. (of course I kept those thoughts to myself lol coz guys normally don't say these things openly but when I did tell my gf about how I imagined my life with her, it brought her to tears, she was so happy and touched)
I used to think of sex as a guy ******* a girl. But ever since I fell for my gf, sex was a completely different thing. It became something beautiful and intimate, I no longer thought of it as sex but as love making. Where a guy and a girl take their love and transform it into a beautiful act.
Of course sometimes I do want a quick f* ck lol sometimes it feels soo good to have sex for the sake of having sex lol but as I said, its more beautiful when we make love.
Yes I do think of dirty things now and then, I can't help it :P
Its really fun actually.
But of course I also wanna be protective of my woman. That's coz I wanna make her feel safe with me so that she feels loved and also coz its a male ego thing. *no one touches MY woman*
1) Its a huge turn out..really it excites me so much, I don't even know why
2) Sorry I don't know about that one..gotta check it out though, sounds interesting :P
3) Because its kind of feminine and that makes us feel more manly and we like that.lol. There's something so attractive about a feminine woman. When she gives herself to us, its a huge turn on and also, its a sign that she trusts us.
4) haha I can't explain why but its exciting to see two women kissing and all that.maybe coz men always want what they can't have, since 2 girls are lesbian, they'll never wanna sleep with me coz I'm a guy.the fact that I'll never get them makes it a lot more exciting :D
p.s: I hope I helped you to try to know us better XD | Lesbian's Ate My Bible.? Does the Bible really tell stories of Female Submission? Just I hear stories of it along with the Koran'o that God made made to rule over defenseless women?
Is the Bible etc misogynist?
Thanks Grills | | That's not all they ate, watch the second scene, it's hot. | Isnt the response to the passing or Prop. 8 a form of domestic terrorism? ? noun 1. the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.
Isnt posting the names of the people who supported Prop. 8 terrorism? Doesnt it really just prove that gays and lesbians think they are the only ones who are allowed to have an opinoin and if yours differs YOU are wrong? | | Sounds right to me. | BDSM first timers? Is anybody into BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Submission, that kind of thing), gay or straight? How did you get into it? Can you describe your first time? I'm trying to get into lesbian BDSM, but there's not much of a scene in Texas. | | I've been into BDSM for 9 years now both gay and straight, it's just always been something I've been interested in even as a little guy. My first time was as much of a learning experience as it was anything else and unfortunately it wasn't a positive one. I began as a submissive, learned how things worked and learned what I liked best out of a particular situation, and then after a few years I switched to be a Dom when I found a girl who I wanted to own. I now own two collared girls full time, one of which happens to be my girlfriend of 2.5years and I've never been happier. I guess that my negative first experience is what pushes me to not only be the best Dom/Master possible, but I also do my best to try and help others. I'm even hoping to open a safe house for abused subs/slaves in the future. I now spend my free time giving BDSM advice/training both in real life and online. I'm no lesbian but I am Bi with mostly girls for friends, I love talking about BDSM and I've gotten plenty of good results in the past, if you have any questions feel free to send me an email through my profile. |
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